How my life change gave me the dream life in the Philippines

http://www.tropicalpenpals.com/
If you had asked me several years ago where did i see my life it was simple just working through it like the average person paying bills and although moving through the ranks of promotion it wasnt a life i really wanted. I loved my daughter Nicole but as years had passed the love had gone from my relationship with my old partner and we seemed to be stuck together due to convenience rather than anything else. She spent her weekends doing her own thing. During the week i worked long hours and covered call outs for other engineers and we just drifted apart. Our lifes had become seperate lives. We were unhappy and so was Nicole. Regular arguments happend mainly over finances and overspending. But most of all we just didnt get on anymore.
The roots of the relationship had been poisoned many years before due to family interference, borrowing aswell as many other things that caused arguments as my girlfriend at the time let them do as they pleased most of the time to keep the peace. Not realising the truth of the matter was it undermined me and everything we had as a family. It was at these points we started drifting as I started to distance myself to save on arguments. Quite simply I didnt want to know anymore what they had done, what they were doing, or what they planned on doing.
As things seemed to get to the point of no return after 11years of mixed times we split. My financial burden, a life that was going slow and nowhere was gone and I began to change and reshape my life.
First thing I realised I was happy 100% for the first time. Content being single again and started getting fit again aswell as slowing down on drinking alcohol as the stress had virtually disappeared. Then one day I was stopping at a friends house who was using dating sites and he had asked me to write his profile as he wasnt getting much luck with womens responses.
I began rewriting his profile and at that point a woman appeared to me with the most beautiful smile ive ever seen. I sent a msg requesting her yahoo and so she didnt think i was strange i put the truth that the profile wasnt mine but i wanted to get to know her. 3 days later we had finally got in touch via yahoo and began to chat and since then have been in touch every day ever since. over 18months later we still talk everyday and within that 18 months we have gained land, built a house, bought a pickup, a scooter, rented an apartment, got married and had a baby daughter Zoei. I didnt only find a woman I love but the one woman I really love and couldnt be without and April feels the same about me. We have started buiilding our future on the Tropical Island that is Cebu in the Philippines where we wake up to 12 hrs of sunshine each day, the ocean is nearby, countryside around and a content and happy family. It hasnt been an easy journey at some points but we have worked through it and with a lot of planning and thoughts our life is starting to become a secure future. A piggery is already expanding each month and soon enough we can choose to stay in the Philippines with just the earnings from the farm if we wanted to although I believe ill be travelling back and forth to the UK for several years as we start to develop investments for the future. My life changed through seperating and not only have I found happiness with my wife but Ive also found that where I struggled to build business and enterprise in the UK the Philippines is a lot easier to work with even though its restrictions make it difficult to start initially. I love living in Cebu and I love the people that are around me. The only thing that makes life hard is leaving my daughter behind in the UK which is why I travel back so regular im just hoping the life in the Philippines can develop more to give my daughters a secure future and a happy one. You can read more about us and our projects aswell as join our forums over at http://www.tropicalpenpals.com/

Filipino - Foreigner relationships why do they go wrong?

I expect to get a lot of feedback from this as its something ive been looking at for nearly a year now. Why do relationships between Filipinas and Foreigners go wrong. There are many factors and although every relationship is unique many of the problems are similar.
As a British male i am confident and although i have respect for older generations and the knowledge they have i wouldnt let someone force a judgement i didnt agree with. I have a fairly high standard of living and have a lot of luxuries in life that most people in the Philippines only get to see on the TV.
Now most Filipinas that are either pro-active in looking for a foreign male are either from low or middle class backgrounds and have experience and knowledge of real poverty. Many have seen relatives die from medical needs which if there was money available wouldnt have happend. They live day to day as looking further in the future only gets hopes up that are unlikely to develop all in all the Filipina is practical with life.
Many find guys on the net generations older and this is where complications start. The majority of filipinas arent out to rob you blind and are likely to be loyal,loving and put the husband before most things over time. But you have to be practical to if your a 50+ guy with a 19+ woman she may like to cruise the malls with you and be content with all life throws but you have to give a bit back. Its ok sitting around most of the time but people need to be busy. Yes your semi or completely retired but your wife/girlfriend isnt and needs to get up to things that keep her occupied. Ive met several expats that treat their other half as a second citizen and this is likely to come back and bite them hard when they least expect it. Because although Filipinas will put up with crap for a time they dont have to and often will put up with it for the sake of peace but it doesnt mean they forget the way you treat them.
The other problem that occurs is many filipinas are lifted from poverty in one swoop and suddenly many family members are expecting to be lifted out of the same scenario and after helping a few members of family sometimes jelousy grows with other members that are outside the immediate family and also sometimes as a foreigner you are seen as an "outsider" a means to an end regardless of what you do. So be aware that not all problems are for you to fix and a lot of the time helping can make things a lot worse.
Aunts and parents, your new better half is likely to have a lot of responsibility and expectations to assist with aunts and parents that helped them through life with education, food on the table or anything else that happend before you met. Family is family here and a lot of the things i dont understand are put up with by families because of someone being an elder even though a lot of it pure greed or jelousy. A foreigner stamping his ground can make things worse for your wife and the best way ive seen people deal with this scenario is to create a distance from family via moving away from the families current location maybe not miles but far enough that your business becomes YOUR business and noone elses.
Communication is the key to keeping things rolling and working out from both sides, sometimes you will find your partner keeps things from you to save confrontation or sometimes to save you from worrying about things outside your control "that can be fixed when your back in the Philippines". Because unlike your wife you are not ruled by family your still a foreigner and can use that card to advantage. But many people create a drama out of a crisis because of a wife being stuck between her loyalty to her family and her loyalty to you. Best thing is to try and deal with things diplomatically and get a better understanding of Filipino culture and its habits. You dont want to be hated by your wifes family and you dont want to be taken as a fool. A good wife understands this and will suffer a lot of stress unless you strike the balance for her. She looks to you for leadership because many of the solutions are between you and the family not your wife but she is the one taking the brunt from both sides.
Spending too much money, its a big problem and bigger than you think. Because as soon as your girlfriend wife is attached to a foreigner she is automatically given millionaire status and it doesnt matter how much she trys to explain that life is still difficult people just dont listen and many will try to take advantage of that. So try and keep things low key, you dont need to spend lots of money on nice cars,electronics or a big house because your wife is more likely to feel at home with a small house a few animals and a multicab than having to deal with prying eyes and worrys about theft. Because at the beginning you are unlikely to both be in the Philippines all the time together which means she has the responsibility of the property. You can imagine how she would feel if something was stolen. So please be aware of that!
The American dream, this one real bugs me because its pumped into the Filipino culture 24/7 and the false expectations that are given can be shattered when a wife first heads to America or anywhere else. This is where things go back to telling the truth and communication. I come from the UK if i moved there with my wife we would probably be living in a 2 bedroom apartment for the same price i can buy several houses and a farm in the Philippines. Explain these things and your standard of living and the variables of prices.
Foreign interference, Ive heard this several times by Americans not sure if the same problem happens in the UK but a lot of the mentality is questioned by foreign women telling Filipinas how things are in the West and that her husband is mistreating her and she shouldnt have to do this and that. Its something that is difficult to stop but it all comes down on how you treat each other. Yes my asawa (wife) may give me a back massage even if she is tired. But i do the same back. We find a happy medium where we are both content.
The green eyed monster, this is also something that has come up time and time again and i have never experienced personally, yes i have had ex-girlfriends who happily lived off my back. But when we split i was content to just take a bag of clothes, my car and computers. I really cant be bothered with the lawyers taking everything at least that way someone walks away with the majority of the goods and both debt free. But i know in most cases it doesnt happen that way. Money can always be a problem in a relationship as much as it gives you the things you desire it can take the things that are most important. Thats why i really dont care about cash. As long as i can provide for my daughters and family everything else can float through life.
To make a relationship work you really need to keep awake on what is going on if something doesnt feel right then there is probably something you dont know but need to find out to keep on an even keal. Filipinos in general dont like confrontation or stress. Many people get confused with poverty because they base things on western ideals. But if youve lived in a Bamboo house all your life can eat 3 meals a day and have a job even low paid most filipinos are content. So try not to change people to much. Respect its a way of life and many are happy to stay that way its not your job to change it. Respect your partner take good care of her and she will do the same.

If interested in more of my Philippines ramblings find me at Tropicalpenpals.com/blog

Enrichment doesnt mean rich wallet.

One thing that you learn as you get older is money isnt everything. Yes its nice to have a new car, wear new suits, go out for dinner regularly.. But without the smaller things in life its worthless. A childs graduation is priceless and in comparison none of the other things would come near. Being at the birth of your children. Your wedding day. All these things can happen on low budgets but the memories stay with you, can you remember what you ate at the last restaurant you went to? If not its likely the occassion wasnt that important. My point being its the things around you now that matter. If you have an ongoing feud with a relative that you want to solve just pickup the phone and do it now. Otherwise you may never get that opportunity in the future. If your unhappy in your job look for a new one.. dont keep putting it off. Set yourself goals of what you want in your life and where you want to be in 1 year - 3 yrs - 5yrs and 10 yrs and try to keep to the goals. Value the people around you who value you most, many times work gets in the way of good relationships. Tell your wife/husband you love them at least once a day and mean it. You will have a moment everyday when you think thats why i love her/him and thats the perfect time if no other. Try not to argue there is always a solution to a problem find it, this is something i do a lot of and you find if you find the solutions regularly people stop arguing and respect your thoughts and already know you have a solution or if you havent youll find it. Dont put up with people abusing you at work or home. Money is a privilige not a right. But you being a human being is a right not a privilige. If you can help someone do it. Not only is it likely the person will appreciate it but you will also feel good within yourself. Spend 5 - 10mins a day thinking of happy thoughts. Can be looking at a photo of your kids, watching the sunrise or simply laying on the lawn. But that time is yours... and if something stresses you later in the day take your mind back to that moment which left you happy and relaxed. Most importantly take care of yourself. If you have something that is ruining your life look at ways to change it. Take your time and the change is likely to always be for the better and always remember you are loved and wanted by someone, you will always be missed by someone and someone will always be happy to see you. Not all things in life are so black and white and things may become blurred.. but if you spend a bit of time making your life better then it will happen. If you want help doing it email me!

CEBU and rainfall

Well im back in Cebu and one of the things i want to share is the pace of life here. I still dont get round the logic as things often than not take ages to process and a lot of hoops to jump through... BUT get in a vehicle and its a race track..everyone is in a rush to go some where then take all day to do something. Something that got dangerous yesterday as heavy rain hit on the route back from San Fernando. I decided that it would be good to go for dinner on the way back to finish the day off.. now me being me would expect in rain conditions people to slow down, lights on and a bit of care taken for everyone around you. Boy was i wrong Pajeros flying up the wrong side of the road overtaking with no lights on. Multicab and tricycles seem to have no lights or avoid using them even when the rain is so hard its difficult to see in front of you never mind looking for an outline of a slow moving vehicle in front of you. To top it all off the fuse had blown on the indicators and i had previously swapped it for the wiper fuse so there we were riding up towards Gaisano for some dinner.. Aprils parents were on the back of the open pickup (small canopy) and i kept my window down to watch for the idiots flying up the wrong side of the road. As its difficult to see when most of the passenger vehicles are going to stop due to a lack of any lights and no hand signals. We got so far and hit flood water.. which was about 2ft deep. OK being sensible you would think a bit of caution and go in single file traffic to stop anyone getting a flooded engine right?? No WAY!! lol..What you do is its raining everyone wants to get out of it as quick as possible so a 2 lane road on each side suddenly becomes 6 or 8 as everyone is just trying to cross at the same time, motorcyles weaving in between cars and cabs which is great when your trying to keep your revs up and vehicles are stopping in front of you to find a motorcycle has decided its a great gap to slip into.. To top it all off a Pajero on the wrong side of the road overtakes me doing around 3 times the speed of anyone else and i end up with a lap full of water.. thanks.. I will never understand what it is with traffic and queues its almost like a competition anytime you get in one. Everyone is in a rush yet there is no need because most of the time they will be heading home to relax. So why not start now and reduce the chance of a heart attack.. Another funny day in Paradise.

Mercy In Action

Mercy In Action Charity

http://www.mercyinaction.org.uk/

It was a Thursday morning when we arranged to meet up with Emily who lives in Talisay she is the daughter of the founders of Mercy In Action and her husband Tim works as a Project Manager who will be overseeing the upcoming childrens home project. We met at Gaisano Fiesta Mall in Tubanok and also another fellow brit Brendon was there also there for the same reason as myself and my wife April. Most charity projects ive come across personally seem to be a gravy train for people who thrive on free lunches and expenses with the charity hopign that theyre influence will bring in large sums of money. Which is mainly why I would never give money to something where I cant see where every penny goes. There has also been a lot of press lately to do with "make corruption history" rather than poverty because quite simply its the corruption that causes the problems in the first place. Getting back to the trip. We met up around 8.30am myself and April had breakfast at Chow king as we werent 100% how long we were going to be or how far out the city we were going to end up. After we all met and had a general chat (Chika Chika) we then waited for the official government L300 Pickup to come and collect us and on Philippine time was running late. We had arranged to travel by bike after Emilys car was stolen on the Sunday but due to my wife being heavily pregnant Emily pulled a few strings and managed to borrow the truck.

We all boarded and off we went after around 20minutes of heading into the mountains we came to a small clearing where we hopped out the back of the truck and went to view an area where a project was underway for re-foresting an area of land which had been damaged by trees being burned to make Charcoal for selling. The project involved 30 Children who themselves and their parents became responsible for 10 trees each that would eventually bear fruit in the future iving food and some saleable goods for market. The people here seemed to be very proud of the project and worked very hard on it. As you can see from the photo the trees are still in theyre infant stage but things grow fast here they are within the wooden frames to help protect from goat attack.

The young boy you can see is Kevin who currently has
TB. A local doctor had prescribed 1 months medication but after Emily had arranged a visit by an Expat doctor found that the medication required is 12 months. Something most people dont realise is out in
Countries such as the Philippines the medication we take for granted in the West isnt there unless money is and in many cases people quite simply die due to lack of medical resources which in many cases may cost so little.

After this visit we headed up to the childrens school which as you can see from the photo at the top of the

Page is 320m.But what it doesnt meantion is its a hill!

After the long hike up the path we finally came to the gates of the school and were very suprised at the school we found within. Very well cared for and it makes you wonder how they got the materials up there in the first place. This where the problem is, the poorer kids have very little food and may live long distances away so after having morning lessons and heading home they dont return to school in the afternoon due to the distance or being too tired from a lack of a good diet. Many people in the Philippines struggle to eat each day and its an ongoing problem.

The school itself was basic but was beautiful in the way it was looked after. The teachers and children looked after it very well. The children welcomed us and we enjoyed coconut water and sticky rice with the principle before having a better look around. Mercy in action had managed to get the government to donate the land for the trees as part of this project and also donated £6.00 per day towards food for around 40 children, each day a different parent would take it in turns to cook the meals at what is called a "dirty Kitchen" a photo of the one at the school is shown below its very basic but does the job. I believe its called a dirty kitchen due to being covered in smoke from the fire.

The food the children have each day has kept them in school each day and the trees will eventually bear fruit. But in return all the children and parents have agreed to the program and the children will keep good grades in return.
Its suprising how £6.00 a day can change the lives of over 30 children for the better. After the tour we headed to the stage and concrete yard area to give the children some clothes that had come with the consignment sent from the UK by people in Mercy In Actions annual container.

The biggest thing that I noticed is how much the children appreciated anything they got. Brandon is here giving out face flannels donated by British Airways, all the kids waited patiently for theyre gifts and I never seen a child that wasnt thankful for what they received.

I would like to thank Emily for taking me upto Tapul school and I look forward to helping in some way with the work that the charity does. One thing I would say to anyone reading this is if its something your interested in please do something about it. Copy and paste a photo just so that you dont forget people who really do need your help. Im not asking for anything personally I would just like to thank you for your time in reading this item in my blog and I wish you a good day.

Long Distance Relationships And Dating

Do long distance relationships work?

The simple answer is they CAN doesnt mean its an easy road and certainly not suitable for many. Most people I have come across since I began dating my now wife have had mine fields of things go wrong and right. Ask them would they do it again to get the woman they love the answer will always be the same. But after talking with some Filipino women I know you begin to understand how hard things can be.

When you here about a guy crying on the eve of leaving his girlfriend behind in a foreign country as he heads back to his country of work things become more obvious. The love many find in the woman from the Philippines and other parts of asia are the women they have spent a life time seeking where morals, family loyalty and respect that hasnt been changed by western influences. Many people will say these women are seeking passports and wallets for which I can agree with some but not all. My wife for example lives in the Philippines and we have no interest in moving to the UK. Im not a rich man and never have been. BUT I can say all women are looking for security not only financial but a one woman man. Many have been cheated in the past and believe that a western guy is less likely to cheat. Which may sound bizarre but many are like me they have found a woman they are content with and no longer need to seek another and may have even changed some peoples view of women.

Getting back to the can it work the answer is Yes but there is a lot of heartache involved and a lot of being apart which makes things very difficult at times. Also due to the internet and its ways there have been many cottage scamming industries appearing in the East and the Philippines as many other countries suffers with these. Strong advice NEVER send any money. The problems were there before you came along leave them alone.. many will be pure lies from some of the women you will meet and some will be true. The differences between the two can be so suttle you may not notice the difference between a loyal loving woman needing help and a thief and con artist. My advise on this will always be if its so urgent go and see for yourself take 2 weeks off work, perfect reason to visit. If its all fake then youll know within no time and save a lot of heartache and worry and if genuine you will get to meet in person. The fact being most Asian women will not ask for money out of pride and it "not being the right thing".

How to spot a scammer you can buy my E-book for $10.00 and its likely to save you at least $1000 there are many traits hidden within conversations and they are not all straight for the cash many will work months on building your trust before they start harvesting theyre work with sick relatives needing medicine etc.

The positive side being many people I have delt with or met have been scammed in various forms but they have also met theyre match with another women, so dont think everyone is out to rob you because they arent. But there are many horror stories purely down to the simple maths. If you meet a geniune woman she may be talking to you and a couple of other guys until you know each other better and things become more progressive. A scammer can be talking to many guys, which is why the horror stories seem to show up more and also the fact most people are happily married.. when did you last read a newspaper story saying "hey everyones happy and nothing really happened lately?" simple answer no one cares about what good things are happening it doesnt make the news.

The dating game it takes many months to meet someone and build up the confidence and thoughts that I really want to meet this person. But it can be well worth the visit and wait and in my case im living proof. My experiences are mainly related to the Philippines so dont expect me to have all the answers. But one thing I will say is be patient your girlfriend is in a country that suffers with powercuts, telephones down and water that is on and off daily. So if you dont hear from her for a few days could be quite simply there is no electricity. Which has happend to myself on a few occassions same with mobile phone networks. Terrorism still exists here and one of the things blown up regular are Global communication towers (mobile phone masts). Your girlfriends life will be pretty harsh to come to as a reality and understanding what is what will take a bit of time. I was suprised when I got to the Philippines although not an OMG situation it was something I will remember. Not all things will be large enough to make a fuss but lots of little things such as having a large water container that you fill each time water is available so you can Pot wash because there is no running water for the shower when you get home at night. The culture shocks will be pretty big if youve lived in a part of the world where everything runs efficent and there is little poverty or crime.

Dating I would strongly advise visiting after you have known a bit about each other also if you have any doubts about things make sure your 100% about things before committing to anything serious. You are dealing with a country that has a lot of poor over 70% of the population and although your girlfriend may be wonderful she may have members of family creating pressure on her because "YOU" yes YOU are a millionaire. anyone earning more than around $20,000 or £10,000 makes you a millionaire and that amount goes a long way in the Philippines so be warned your new found love maybe the best thing since sliced bread but there are many who are willing to part a fool from his money.

The relationship can work and will work as long as you "both" are sure you can make it work there is a lot of deception which breeds from poverty and also the fact you being so rich that you can afford to lose it. Sound like a bad answer?? then your in the wrong mental state for long-term relationship. The problems in the Philippines arent yours you may be able to help in some ways but in many you will come out worse off. I have many examples and experiences I have come over which include helping members of family which then meant the guy was expected to help all members of family purely because theyre related. Other things included another person buying a motorcycle for a relation to run a small business and they ran the bike into the ground not even buying oil for it. Then expected the guy to repair the bike for them. My strongest advice dont get involved unless your prepared for the headaches that could follow. Dont give anything if your expecting anything back (many loans are seen as gifts and never even expected to be repaid). If you can get round this and you will get the support of your your girlfriend soon to be wife then your on to a happier and more fufilling life.

The Philippines

What makes the Philippines different from my birth place of the UK to the point I call Cebu City my home? The reasons are many some can be explained some need to be experienced. A lot of other people I know have had the same thoughts as the plane touches down on the tarmac.
The first thing as you approach the islands is the beautiful green lands and sea that you can see below you. Once the plane stops the excitement has already begun to build. You exit the plane and get hit with the warm heat, an almost perfect climate where its not as hot as florida and not as cold as europe in winter. Then your visit begins. Some things may bother you more if your in another part of the world such as the Taxi drivers trying to overcharge on the off chance your just a nieve foreigner who wont grumble at paying double because the prices are so low. But this and the fact that nothing is urgent is part of life here. But its partly why I love it so much. People are generally nice and everywhere you go you will see a smile or here a "hey Joe" (saying left from WWII). Regardless of where you are from you will always be thought to be Kano (American).

The food in the Philippines especially in the cities is abundant and varied. From Japanese Sushi
to Kenny Rogers chicken. Big difference I find though is the price. Expect to be paying around $20 for more than you can eat in a nice restaurant for 2. Me and my wife normally have 2 main courses, Calamari while we wait and drinks, plus leave a tip for less than P1,000

Hotels Expect to be paying around P1,600 depending on what you are looking for and the length of your stay. For example you can source a house rental for P10,000 a month with a bit of hunting around. The hotels vary a lot and advise just booking as you go not because I expect the hotel standards to be low but quite simply allows you to move around and with the prices so low you can get to see more of this beautiful country.

What to see there are the usual things with tropical islands such as the diving, yachting, snorkling, wind surfing etc. but there is also jungle treks. Trips up into the mountain regions which is very beautiful. Visiting Santo Nino (church in cebu). If you are here for a 2 week stretch you will find not enough time in the day. If your here for a few months strongly advise travelling round and most importantly meeting the people of the Philippines who generally are a friendly population that are proud to have you as a visitor to theyre country.

Shopping is fantastic for clothing but many other items are cheap and nasty chinese imports you are better to avoid. Electronics better to get a flight to Hong Kong on the way out the Philippines home to get the best deals or head into other countries which are heavy into electronic production and not heavily taxed on the import of the goods.
Things to avoid the southern Island of Mindanao I have heard good and bad stories for. Especially around Davao. Personally I havent visited the area and with there still ongoing problems with terrorism I would advise to avoid. Manila has been the target for bombings although I believe that its as likely there as it is in London, have visited Manila myself and found it a safe city. Some people say avoid driving but personally I use a scooter to get around because not only does it give you the freedom of being able to come and go as you please, cut through traffic jams and get anywhere quicker than others. But you can take photos when you see things which you couldnt do in a car being driven by someone or by yourself. If you drive a car be aware you are in a country where you may be blamed for whatever happens in an incident quite simply because of your wealth and nationality. Your not wealthy? your in a third world country you will always be seen as wealthy and be expected to pick up the tab for an accident. I would advise a scooter or motorbike for anyone who is confident on the road and can keep your eyes open.

Corruption there is corruption running through anything involving the government and bribes are often expected as a "express fee" but to be honest the amounts are very small and generally speed up things such as having paperwork processed for visa extensions.

My advise visit the Philippines dont be flash with the cash split your money around your body incase of a robbery as it is possible. Dont argue with someone or raise your voice as this can be dangerous due to someone losing face pass the problem to someone local but keep your cool. Dont wear any jewellery you dont need and a cheap watch. Nothing worse than losing something that is personal or expensive and both could happen very easily if its glittering from your arm or neck. You are in a country where people struggle to eat each day. Do enjoy your holiday and keep to areas you know are not black spots such as Colon Street at night.